Carolyn Vandecar
Note: If you have previously visited Carolyn Vandecar's memorial web site, please scroll down the page to see the latest updates.
Originally, this website was to be my personal Christmas present, to my little sister, Carolyn Nadine Vandecar.
Unfortunately, and very sadly, Carolyn passed away on Tuesday, December 11th, 2007.
I had been calling her all day, starting at about 1:30 p.m. -- and she hadn't returned my phone calls. As I was leaving my Tuesday night A.A. meeting, I felt a strong urge to go check on my sister, and I let the guys know after the meeting, that I had to go check on her.
When I got to her house, I knew it didn't look right. I banged on the doors and windows and could see her puppy inside. I thought it was odd that he wasn't barking. He just looked scared and dazed. And, as I think back on it now, he was probably saying "Uncle Dallas, somethings happened to my mommy."
I called the local hospitals hoping she would be there -- because her car was in the driveway, and it wasn't a good sign for her car to be there and she not be there. She wasn't in any of the hospitals.
I didn't want to call her son, Greg, because he lives in another city, and I knew that he gets up early for work -- but, I knew that I had to call him and that we had to get into Carolyn's house to check on her.
After he arrived, Greg suggested that we call the police before breaking any windows to get inside. And, after the police arrived, Greg kicked open the back door.
Greg was walking in front of me, and in front of the police officer, and as I started to look in a bedroom, I heard Greg yell out, "She's in here!" I then started hoping that maybe she had just fainted or something, and I heard Greg start yelling out, again She's gone. Oh my God, she's gone."
It took a few seconds to realize what he was saying, because he saw her first, and it looked like he checked for heart-beat or pulse signs. And, I could see that her right hand was blue as she layed face down, as if she fell forward out of her computer chair and onto the floor face down. I kept hoping against hope that this wasn't really happening. And, I could hear Greg saying something like "Oh God, please let this be a dream. Don't let this be real."
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Carolyn was one of the most beautiful beings on this planet. She was my baby sister. My friend. She rescued me a few times. She was the person I could always turn to in times of need. She was also a very loving mother, grandmother, and soon to be grandmother-again.
She had/has... a beautiful son, named Gregory, whom she loved more than life itself. Greg has always been the pride of Carolyn's life. Carolyn was not supposed to be able to have children, and Greg was the answer to many nights of continuous efforts at prayer. Carolyn has always been so proud of Greg, and proud of his amazing accomplishments in life.
Greg, gave his mother two other precious gifts, that she cherished with everything that was within her -- and, that was her grandson, and her baby, a beautiful Golden Retriever puppy.
Life stacked many obstacles in Carolyn's path. She was a true surviver, a real Champion, who survived difficulties that would have crushed most people. She constantly struggled to overcome those many difficulties and obstacles that sought to bring her down.
It's interesting to me, how her son Greg, who was also challenged with many of life's greatest difficulties -- also, turned out to be a Champion, and a survivor!
Me and Carolyn would sit up many nights talking about how great Greg turned out, considering how difficult his path had been as a child and as a young man.
And, Little Rusty! Carolyn's baby. Her Golden Retriever puppy. Rusty's story is nearly a mirror of tragic events and obstacles to living, that faced Carolyn and her son Greg. Rusty has that same survivor spirit inside him -- and with tremendous odds stacked against him -- working together as a team, Carolyn and Greg are the reasons that Rusty survived.
So, as a tribute and as a memorial to my baby sister, naturally this website will reflect on some very painful stories of tragic proportions.
However, you can also expect to see many success stories of Carolyn, and Greg, and Rusty, and their adventures in life that are sure to be inspiring! They will be success stories of a little girl who grew up against all odds of making it, into a single-mom, raising her son, and seeking a higher education, to provide a good life for her little family, and of tackling those huge obstacles in life, and finally making it to the other side.
On top of leading an exhaustive pace in life, just to keep up and to someday get ahead, Carolyn always had time to be helping others who were in need. Regardless if it was friends or family or total strangers -- Carolyn had a soft heart of gold, that was always tending and looking out for the needs of others, who were suffering.
I miss you so much Carolyn. The pain of knowing that you are not with me is overwhelming. I love you. I love you. I love you. It's likely that I wouldn't have even survived in life, myself, had your loving kindness had not been there to help carry me through.
I know that Greg is hurting just like me, and I am sure that he hurts even more. We are trying to help each other get through this. And, Rusty is hurting, too. He is staying with me, now, and he's okay, but, he is so sad. His little eyes have tears sometimes as he looks around the house for you, and waits by the door to see when you're going to come to get him. He misses you so much. You were his life. You are his mommy.
We still need you Carolyn. Please keep trying to talk to us and trying to get through to us. Sometimes Greg and I can hear you. And, sometimes I know you are near me, and in the room with me. But, right now, I just feel all alone without you. I know you are trying to comfort me, and us, baby girl, and God, Carolyn, you've got to know how much we love you and miss you.
I'll get your website finished more, later. Someday, as soon as I can, I'll make it real pretty for you, and have many of your awesome writings, and poems and pictures up here. But, right now, I've got to go.
Your brother, forever...
Dallas
Latest Updates
Thursday, December 20, 2007
My sister Carolyn was a sweet, loving, gentle and forgiving woman. She would not have wished nor wanted to cause anyone harm, pain or grief. She was always a helper. A giver. Looking to see how she could build people up, rather than tear them down. Her mind was preoccupied with how she could help someone else.
Carolyn has requested that I remove some negative comments on this page because it appears that someone has possibly recognized the errors they have made and they are attempting to take appropriate actions to correct their mistakes. Carolyn's attitude towards life and other people was always "Live and let live" and "Forgive them, for they know not what they do."
I hope that it stays this way. I hope that others will let my little sister rest in her peace. And, I hope that the others recognize -- that I can not and will not sit back and just watch, if they seek to cause her or her son and his family harm. And, please understand -- that the comments were not removed for fear -- Carolyn has agreed that I can post them back if the insanity doesn't stop. Please... don't mess with my sister and all will be well and forgiven.
I would also like to express a heart-felt thank you, to the Anonymous person who contacted the funeral home, and paid for my sisters final burial expenses there. This will be a tremendous burden that has been removed from Greg's mind and will be a great help towards him getting to the other side of his loss. Thank you so much for your gift and your thoughts and actions of kindness.
Dallas
If you have a story to share about Carolyn, or if you would like to leave feedback, or to contact me, please click here to contact me.
Comments for Carolyn
On Sunday, December 16, 2007
Name: Ann Bowman Hart
Comments: Please know how sorry I am about the loss of Carolyn.
Although we never met in person, I felt very close to her thru
online e-mails about our family. Carolyn loved her family very much. Carolyn sent me wonderful pictures of my grandfather Floyd Bowman, Sr. and his brother Oscar Bowman, "Carolyn's dad", taken at a 1976 Bowman Family reunion. I was hoping to meet Carolyn and her family at a Bowman Family reunion. I'm so grateful I had the
opportunity to know Carolyn and reunite our Bowman families. May God Bless you Carolyn and I know you are home with Our Father.
With Love from Your Cousin Ann
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On Thursday, December 20, 2007
Name: Mike Bowman
Comments: I am so sorry to hear of Carolyn's death.
I met Carolyn Vandecar while working in a hospital with her. We thought that perhaps we were related to each other because we shared the same last names.
Carolyn was the most loving caring and sensitive person I have ever met. Her hospital patients referred to her as their angel and truly she was an angel. The world has suffered a great loss with the loss of Carolyn. My prayers go out to her son and his family.
Mike Bowman, a friend and co-worker.
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On Thursday, December 20, 2007
Name: Rev. Thom Whalen
Comments: It is with deep sorrow to learn of Carolyn's passing.
Carolyn Vandecar, was indeed one of God's little angels. I met Carolyn sometime in the mid-1980's, when we were just learning about AID's/HIV.
Many in the medical field were afraid to deal with AIDs patients. Carolyn volunteered to work with them and always gave them love and hugs and even kisses on their foreheads. She would say things like "These are God's sick little babies and they need our love and care."
Thom Whalen
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On Thursday, December 20, 2007
Name: Chris Walters, Liz's son
Comments: (Comments removed but saved, per Carolyn's request).
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On Thursday, December 20, 2007
Name: Dallas Bowman, Carolyn's brother,
Comments: Reply to Chris (Comments removed but saved, per Carolyn's request).
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On Thursday, December 20, 2007
Name: John, in Fort Smith
Comments: Dallas, I am sorry to hear of the loss of your sister, Carolyn.
She was such a wonderful person. I remember spending a few nights sitting in Benson's with her, having coffee and conversations. She was such a joy to be with. I will miss her and I know you must be having a hard time missing her. She was very special, indeed. You and her son and family are in my prayers. If I can do anything to help just let me know what I can do.
John
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On Monday , December 31, 2007
Name: Greg Van De Car
Comments:
I am still on a roller coaster ride of emotion. I am broken
yet I am pieced together everyday. I feel sadness, anger, dispair, lost, vengefull, I feel like kicking ass and taking names. I dont know if anyone will understand, in a way I am at peace with my emptiness because it is replaced by reality that my mother
is not in pain, not depressed, not emotionally tied to any oppressions. She is free. She can hold her grandson's hand and not worry about fatigue from walks. She can smile all the time now and be happy now. There is no past or future, there is only this moment. Time is endless, love is endless. She is with me always.
These are some of the pieces that put me back together everyday. I think about who she was and is. I think about the memories that remain clear as any present day moment. This comes to me in my times of dispair. When I think of the people who took her for granted, who used her love, her skills, her loving nature to forgive and embrace with no conditions, It takes control of me. Suddenly I feel at peace. I know she is telling me "Im ok" - "its going to be ok". I see her smiling face and I begin to peice together. I was going to really rip into a few people who deserve it, but she would not want me to do that. I do know that if the tables were turned she would go after people with a bat in hand. I have no revenge for the pain she encountered. These pains will live in the ones that inflicted it until they themselves are called to account for it. This place is somewhere where I can write whats on my mind. Yes, its what she would have wanted, to know how I feel. I will be honest here, as I
would be if she were calling me on the phone, or comming by. If you cant handle that, your in the wrong space. I would like to take a moment and thank some people for their support and kindness. Dallas, Thank you for being there then and now, it
has been daily that you have put me first in your to do's even when you have your own fires going. I am proud of who you have become. Chris and Darin, thank you for your calls and offers of help, it really means alot to me. Dolores Unsworth, your still one of her best freinds, thank you for bieng you. Micheal, I know you will be there when the time comes. Holly, your have been very thoughtful, warm, and helpful to me and my family, thank you for bieng you. I appreciate all of you.
I thought really hard today about blasting a few people who I thought were family, blood, and some other misfortunates that happen to be really should be ashamed of themsleves for all of the crap that have done. Instead of naming names, I will give
referrences, and the guilt on their minds and soul should start ringing. First, If you are a certified MD, and you have all of these papers saying you are intelligent and certified to make intelligent decisions regarding someones health, how then is
it possible that in reality you truly are no smarter than dandruff? Material items are more important? Maybe in Germany, where your pathetic life started, thats the case. Here, in the USA we love the person, not the material things, or the things a
person can do to benifit your practice. We love the person. I know that your rapid retardation ailment you suffer from prevents you from knowing what love is, and how to love. Is my practice up yet? How many patients do I have for this week? Oh, your suffering from a life threating illness and I have not done the research to find
your heart problems, thats too bad, get on it now or hit the road, live on the streets, sell your stuff! I wonder if the great MD's in Little Rock know half or even .0005 percent of the REAL story. In time, everyone will know you, and what you are. I will expose you and the evidence is in your own words. CALM DOWN MAN!!!!
I have a few other peices of wonder that makes me want to scream. "BUMMER DUDE" this was the first thing out of a cousin of mines mouth when he learned that the person who took him into her home during some tough times had passed on.Your not even worth
it, have a good life and make a mental note to pretend I do not exist. I will not pretend you dont. There are more, but not as significant. If I offended anyone listed in the above please dont forgive me, forgive yourself, you need it more than I do.
I will return to this space at another time. I had to get that off my chest.
Greg Van De Car
Carolyn's son
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Monday, January 7, 2008
Name: Greg VanDeCar
Comments: Its close to a month now. Everyday I find new demons hidden in notebooks and journals. Demons that were invisible to everyone but you. I was made aware of some through the years.I wanted to save you from the pain but I did not know how. I failed you because I should have listened more, I should have taken
more action. I have always looked up to you in amazement, to me you knew anything that was to be known. You are the smartest person I have ever known. I was always confused because I would watch people take advantage of you, yet you would hug them
right back. That is a true heart that loves unconditionally. Even during the last days on this earth you had open arms. You would cry and wonder why certain people just could not love you for who you were, and why people only would love you if you had something to benifit them with. Then you would embrace them. You know now who really loves you, im sure now it makes no difference because you always knew nothing other than pure unconditional love for everyone. Regardles of the return. I cant tell you why people pretended to love you like Merten or other people but it doesnt
matter now. I love you and Kristofer loves you very much.
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Date: Thursday, January 17, 2008
Name: Greg
Comments: I miss my freind, my mother. I think about you all the time. I wonder sometimes if you will ever speak to me again, its been a while now since I felt your spirit around me. Are you Ok? Kris asked where you were last night. I told him that you were on the moon. I told him that everytime he see's the moon, his nanna is looking down on him. He started to sing to you, you know those songs he would sing everytime you called, and I could not control my feelings. He became sad that I was crying. I cant explain the emotions of watching him, want to be with you. He does not understand, but he knows that you are not here. So the moon is how Ive decided to comfort him. When I was very little, his age, me and you would always look at the moon before bed and we would say "night, night, moon". You would hold Kris and rock him to sleep singing that song. I miss you. I would do anything to hear that again. Sometimes I think about those things and I cant handle it. I loose control and break down. I know I have to be strong. Its hard to be strong without you mom. I love you very much, and I hope you feel it.
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Date: Saturday, March 15, 2008
Name: barb baxter
Comments: i just do not have words to express what a wonderful
beautiful,fun and witty person carolyn was. i met her a few years ago while playing a game on pogo.com. we hit it off instantly and became best friends.
we actaully got to meet each other in person while she was still living in las vegas a few years ago. she was just as beautiful on the outside as she was on the inside.
i loved her as if she were my sister. we talked and kept in contact with each other almost every day for the last 5 years. i will truly miss her "wit" as well as her beautiful insight and ability to express thru words her view about life and love.
i know how much she truly loved her son greg and her beautiful grandson kristofer. i also know how much she would have loved her new grandson who was due to arrive sometime in feb.
my prayers and love are with her family now. may GOD's love enfold you all and keep you always close to her spirit.
i knew something awful had to have happened to her. i have tried calling her and emailing for months now with no reply and no way to contact her family. hardly a day has gone by with out her being on my mind. some how i found this web page in her memory.
and sadly it has confirmed my worst fear.
may GOD bless her family.
i loved her and miss her but i will always hold her close to my heart as a friend i will cherrish forever.
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